yes, i've learned

~wouldnt it be nice if everyday were an epiphany? :)

it has been a long time -- way, way long perhaps -- since the last time i wrote something sensible about my daily life in this scanty-substanced blog. ranting and venting out emotions may be helpful in some way to relieve my introvert tensions, but its time -- for me [haha, drama] -- to face life more positively. well, to recount memories of the past months, i had been cursedly torn between two polar behaviors. i had my fair share of, as everyone else has too, gloomy&dark and happypill days. but one, make that two desperate events, still etched in my frenzied mind, can explain a thing or two of what im really trying to say..

..uno: is it my angst? or my angst-sud?
*uno. espanyol, para lain naman :))
sir g had this video presentation about health assessment during one of our classes. minutes after his 'kidding'-inspired lecture, everyone was running after him as if he were some sort of celebrity or maybe a flea market vendor whos giving away 50%discount to the first 2 customers who would presumably buy his talongs. [hahaha] but i was wrong, of course. he was giving copies of the health assessment vid via usb. the bright midafternoon sunshine instantly turned black--in my imagination that is, para may drama effect-- as i raged and pressed my anger on my stress toy, aka aizlynn. though she asked me over and over why im upset, i remained quiet while letting my now-released anger hormones do the job. she describes those martin moments as "angst". im really not sure about it since my hearing was impaired and stressed during that time. i could have had heard the term she was referring to as "angst" instead of "angsud". :)) one way or another, the two are similar. still, the outcome was positive: i returned to my old blank self again..right after i received my dvd copy of the vid courtesy of menggay and co. a trifling and shallow reason indeed.

..dos: same topic, different scenario
'you could just see the dreaded and tireful looks in my classmates' faces.' albeit the stress and wearisome reactions, i was special on that very day (well, count febby too). no mixed reactions, no tantrums, just pure obsolete anger. my initial encounter with my first HA patient was unforgettable. comparing him/her with my 2 previous extremely kind and open interviewees, he/she was undoubtedly on the 11th mark of my pain rating scale. he/she was arrogant, uncommunicative, not open. what more could you ask for? while my groupmates (febby excluded) were gleeing in front of their clients, i was stuck with a forced grin trying my very best&bitchless way of being therapeutic. but the result presented that my efforts were unpralled to his/her needs. again with the "angst/angsud" comment, but this time it came from febby. fastforward-ing. two days later, i cant believe that i am undeniably attached to my client and his/her wife/husband. it was foolish of me not to consider his/her diagnoses. the compliment did help [hahaha], but it was a little understanding that achieved a closed gap between the bridge.

THEREFORE i conclude that im still happy even though those moments showed how shallow and ignorant i can be at times. if everyday were an epiphany, the point of living the unavoidable surprises of life while learning from them would had been useless or no point at all. those imaginary daily epiphanies are mere dreams, nothing but an appetizer of what heaven should taste like. meanwhile, to be positive as i have said moments ago, lets just rejoice of what life has to offer -- may they be twisted joys and smiles, this-is-the-end tears and screams, or perhaps those rare dramaqueen snapshot moments. thus [what im really trying to say is that :))] for every surpassed and hump-ahead struggles, just think of them as a new adventure we could learn from, or a math problem with limitless solutions, or a curtain-raiser prelude to eternal epiphany to make it sound better (*wink wink*). but for the mean time, an aphrodisiac appetizer wouldnt taste that bad, would it? ;)