iFuck

For almost two years, my relationship with my iPhone 3G has been both a pleasure and a struggle. But for the past few months since the iPhone 4 was released in the market, the struggle of minor bumps here and there for my dear phone has evolved into 4-inch deep stabs and daily hormonal fluctuations. Software-wise, I didn't have any problem as of the mean time all thanks to Apple's latest iOS upgrade to 4.2, which stabilizes the 3G's performance for the iOS 4.

But then again, like most native vaginas, we cannot afford to avoid the harsh reality of pubic lice. So Steve Jobs found a way to really convince me that my iPhone, though an Apple product, feel like it was a piece of China pussy phone during WWDC 2010 upon the official press release of the fourth-generation iPhone along with the new operating system (and the announcement that the 3G would get limited functionality upgrade once the new iOS is installed).

For my first hands-on experience with the iOS 4, no doubt I didn't have any performance issues, as claimed by other 3G users during that time, which waged an online outbreak and plot to behead Jobs. But gradually, as more YouTube video reviews on the iPhone 4 I had viewed, the more I felt that there was something incomplete with my Apple product, like a drunk slut who lost her virginity to a stranger but couldn't remember anything what happened the next morning when she woke up.

Hardware-wise, on the other hand, the on/off button is bricked, the home button is malfunctioning, tons of scratches at the phone's posterior. Generally, my phone suffered a worst case of penile mutilation from all the phone-fucking the other year. But I couldn't resist it, my fingers naturally just love to finger. So to commence future finger sessions, I've finally convinced myself that I do want a new iPhone and will force, by all means, physical and psychological, to brainwash my dad into buying one. And here are my 5 reasons why I want a new iPhone:

1. Multitasking. Because serving an omelet in Restaurant Story, then closing the app and switching to Bakery Story to serve my brownies is time-consuming.
2. Better camera. Because shooting with a 2-megapixel cam feels like high school all over again. And you don't know how I loathe and abhor high school.
3. Retina Display and wallpapers. Because I just don't want a phone that my fingers could fuck, but a phone with an astounding resolution that even my eyes can derive pleasure from plain viewing.
4. Apple's A4 1 GHz processor. To accompany and better enhance my finger sessions.
5. New industrial design. Because not only would my fingers love to finger the glass exterior, but the whole thing from the texture to the feel of holding it, basically, would not only make the Apple's flagship phone consume a more than hefty portion in the phone market but as well as in the sex toy industry.

Lol have a happy 2011 celebration, fuckers :) I shall now eat, pray and study.