It's Christmas eve and I can't believe that I am still unable to feel the holiday spirit. Despite the Noche Buena downstairs that await my already full stomach from today's pre-Christmas adventure with JM, this year's Christmas celebration is far from what I have experienced during my childhood years.
First and foremost, the Christmas tree, the idyllic decor symbol that encompasses the holiday season in every household, is nowhere to be found (My mom has this theory that maybe the rats ate the damn tree). And about two weeks ago, I asked my mom if we could buy a new one since, after all, our old Christmas tree is probably twice my age and subsequently I've grown almost twice its height. But she said no because it'll add up only to our December expenses. Considering that we don't have any traditional gift-giving ritual, how the hell would a mere Christmas tree pressure on too much financial burden? Plus also the fact that I've overheard mom and dad's phone conversation regarding plans of buying a new car. See, I told you that my family is eccentric with cognitive distortions that a Christmas tree is a luxury item.
And every Christmas vacation, I usually watch Christmas specials airing in Cartoon Network, Disney Channel or Nickelodeon (lol). But then, not that I am supposedly old for such, I've been busying myself playing my sister's DS, net surfing, blogging, hotel hunting and planning for my birthday lunch with my closest high school friends (woot no masturbation HA). And miraculously I was able to survive for days being locked up inside my room. Every time I use the word locked, it reminds me of the alleged Shaina-John Lloyd vaginismus scandal (lol). So basically, I'm currently in vaginismus mode. K, moving on.
On the other hand, I'm becoming wary and a bit anxious that perhaps I may lose the Christmas spirit (please wherever you are, do possess me asap). Years from now, I'll be leaving this nest of comfort and security, and be setting foot on foreign lands with a new chapter and adventures unfolding. And from what I've heard from my cousins abroad, Christmases outside the Philippines are typically lonely. Well, I am a lonely person right now. Maybe, I'll enjoy the possibilities of spending future holidays alone. Or maybe end up crying in one corner of my future apartment sulking up why I have to dine alone on Christmas eve.
But on the bright side, it's not yet too late to force myself into enjoying the Christmas season. You know what they say, Santa doesn't come down the chimney, he enters through your heart. Lol fuck this, I'm too old for Santa. Happy birthday, JC :)
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