What I did during my 20th birthday

Lol happy 2oth birthday to me cause my mom says the number 9 is a bad Chinese omen. And yes, I celebrated my 10th birthday twice. Talk about growing old very fast. Anywho, I've spent my afternoon (besides pigging out of course) taking photos for our SS104 holiday crap. And among the 5 things I've photographed using my sister's very lame Olympus cam, the money shot (lmao if you know the green meaning behind this), I mean the photo set of my mom's coin collection circa 1960's was the best one I've enjoyed shooting:

And other photos that I like:

Word Salad 3.1

The 8 things I wanna share before I officially turn 19 years old, virgin, single and unintentionally happy lol (actually this was supposed to be an 18-item list but 18 is too much and impossible considering my pace):

1. I've greeted a number of people on their birthdays, and have even written profound from-the-heart messages (lol) to my closest friends, esp. December babies (Aien, JM, JJ girl) like myself. But never has it occurred for me to think how old yet contradictorily young the age of 19 is. Because just moments ago while enjoying another fatty holiday meal, I realized that one more year, I'll be 20. Damn, and I don't even look or act like my age. So I'm currently bothered that I'm growing old because the truth about mortality that I'll never live forever has never yet crossed my mind until now, honestly speaking. But truth be told, I will eventually have to deal with it and them (soon-to-be) wrinkles.
2. I have an extremely arbitrary fetish over anything tech-savvy, but still in denial that I'm a geek. Lol I mean, geeks are definitely good with computers and all I know is Photoshop (and porn lol). And I have this secret desire of wanting to take up Industrial Designing (yes, there is an official educational course for designing phones, laptops, etc).
3. I don't know what I want for my birthday. Although I can be materialistic and unreasonably shallow, I guess what I want right now is to be closer to God. I know lol but seriously, I do. And I guess going to my favorite haven to ponder (and sometimes bring along friends to chat while others are praying) tomorrow would mean a lot to me. Yes, Jaro Cathedral is my nonhuman pseudogirlfriend.
4. Besides being noble, well, there is one other thing I want for my birthday. Time management. Because I envy too much those who are really good in allocating their time. Achieving that would be more or less equivalent to being one step closer to self-actualization (but a ladder of steps closer if I would perpetually undergo rhinoplasty loljk but I shall someday, and opinions won't have that much effect on my cosmetic dreams).
5. Staring at photos of modern architectural houses and Tumblr-worthy rooms subconsciously stirs my conscience up to the point of asking myself if whether I made the right decision of choosing a healthcare field as my career path. Sad to say, there's no turning back and better embrace reality rather than lament on my lambasting failed dreams of becoming a civil engineer-architect.
6. Again, though I've already confessed this in a previous post, I have a self-diagnosed commitmentphobia, which places me at risk of being "forever alone" and sexually "unmet" for the rest of my lifetime. Then again, it's not all that bad, considering I have a ton of friends whom I know are at risk too. Plus being single fortunately means only one thing: promiscuity.
7. I want to also share my sentiments how sorry I am to my mom and dad for all the times that I had been angry at them. Without the sexual union of your gametes, I wouldn't have existed so I'm very thankful for that. And can you imagine the world without me? (WAHAHAHAHA) On another perspective, although there have been uncountable times that I have been challenged and thought the world (or nursing) just sucks balls, in general, miraculously I'm beginning to see the brighter prospect. And I didn't need any help from a "special someone crap" to teach me that the world can be and is beautiful (spoken truly like a genuine bitter single lol).
8. Lol I think I've shared more than enough personal demeanors. Time to fade within the Internet background cause I have loads of pending school shit to tackle. Now I'm more convinced that I need a stimulant or a nootropic to motivate my frontal lobe into stable functioning.

Word Salad 3.0

Lol sometimes, I'm quite surprised how I get through all the mazes and perplexing turns of the hypothetical labyrinth of the World Wide Web. Yes, I fortunately, to my surprise, found another blog of a certain batchmate of ours by pure luck (again), considering I wasn't searching/internet-stalking his/her blog in the first place. In fact, it never crossed my mind that this certain batchmate of ours was blogging, venting out his/her emotions virtually, because, uh, the whole idea for him/her to blog was very obscure, unhinged, or just plain wrong in all aspects (lol). Twas like a "seriouussssly?" moment for me but then again, I've also realized how the number of good writers in our batch increasingly unveils every time I indirectly discover such hidden talents, which of course is a good thing (and renders me more to become divulging of how proud I am of Batch Orlando lol despite, accept it or not, we do have an awful number of bunjings. Just saying.) 5 hours 'til the clock strikes 12 but 17 more hours to go 'til I'm officially 19 years old.

10 Shocking Facts You Didn't Know About Jaro/Iloilo City

Since I can't post 10 pages long of Jaro's History, I'm gonna list instead 10 shocking facts you (or I) didn't know about Jaro/Iloilo City:

1. The Jaro Plaza is about 500 years old, tracing its origin back in the 1500s when the Spaniards first settled in Panay. It was standard practice of the Spanish government to establish a plaza because it was an effective instrument in bringing the natives closer to Catholicism and achieving administrative control over the people.
2. Father Jose Burgos once visited Jaro in October 10, 1867, as a proxy for the Archbishop of Manila, to attend the formal ceremony of Jaro becoming a diocese as decreed in the Papal Bull (Qui ab initio) signed by Pope Pius IX.
3. By 19th Century, Iloilo was then known as the "Textile Center of the Philippines" reaching one million dollars worth of handicraft weaved exports of hablon and patadyong to Manila and other foreign countries.
4. Also during the 19th Century, the Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank became the first banking institution in Iloilo and the first outside of Manila.
5. In 1897, Queen Regent Maria Cristina of Spain awarded Iloilo City the title "The Queen's City" for helping the Spanish military in the initial defeat of Aguinaldo's forces in Cavite, as well as the fall of Silang and Imus, which is a a misnomer to contrary belief that Iloilo was the most prosperous city outside Metro Manila before Cebu snatched the title. When in fact, this is a title that perpetually shames us Ilonggos.
6. In 1935, the Province of Iloilo boasted 400 kilometers of first class and 111 kilometers of second and third class roads and had the largest network of fully repaired and constructed first and second class roads outside Manila during that time. (Lol and after 75 years, what happened?)
7. During the 1930s, Iloilo Transportation Co. had double deck steel blue buses "with radio music", as advertised (lol), covering the areas of Jaro, what was then the City Proper, Molo, Mandurriao and Arevalo. (How cool is that? We were like London during that period.)
8. Angelicum School of Iloilo was then the famous and elegant Lizares Mansion built in 1937 by Don Emiliano Lizares, one of the sugar plantation tycoons (others being the Lopezes and Hechanovas) of the 1930s.
9. Also of the same year on July 16, Iloilo was inaugurated as a city enacted by Commonwealth Act No. 57. But it was still years after that Jaro was added as an official and the last district of the city after Leganes and Pavia achieved independence from what was then the Municipality of Jaro.
10. February 20, 1981, Pope John Paul II visited and crowned the Nuestra Sra. de la Candelaria at the balcony of the Jaro Metropolitan Cathedral--the only Marian image and religious icon in the Philippines ever to be visited by a Pope.

Lol I'm not quite so sure if these shocked you but it did to me, which later saddened me actually. Because I never realized how great, prosperous, culturally diverse and cumulative Jaro or Iloilo City, in general, was. Although doing research on Jaro's history as part of our SS104 holiday homework was literally a pain in the ass, I definitely learned a lot and in fact inspired me to become more nationalistic and appreciative of my hometown.

I hope our local government would do something to revive Iloilo City's legendary past as a city of prosperity, burgeon and ideal bureaucratic system.

It's Christmas all over the world except in our house.

It's Christmas eve and I can't believe that I am still unable to feel the holiday spirit. Despite the Noche Buena downstairs that await my already full stomach from today's pre-Christmas adventure with JM, this year's Christmas celebration is far from what I have experienced during my childhood years.

First and foremost, the Christmas tree, the idyllic decor symbol that encompasses the holiday season in every household, is nowhere to be found (My mom has this theory that maybe the rats ate the damn tree). And about two weeks ago, I asked my mom if we could buy a new one since, after all, our old Christmas tree is probably twice my age and subsequently I've grown almost twice its height. But she said no because it'll add up only to our December expenses. Considering that we don't have any traditional gift-giving ritual, how the hell would a mere Christmas tree pressure on too much financial burden? Plus also the fact that I've overheard mom and dad's phone conversation regarding plans of buying a new car. See, I told you that my family is eccentric with cognitive distortions that a Christmas tree is a luxury item.

And every Christmas vacation, I usually watch Christmas specials airing in Cartoon Network, Disney Channel or Nickelodeon (lol). But then, not that I am supposedly old for such, I've been busying myself playing my sister's DS, net surfing, blogging, hotel hunting and planning for my birthday lunch with my closest high school friends (woot no masturbation HA). And miraculously I was able to survive for days being locked up inside my room. Every time I use the word locked, it reminds me of the alleged Shaina-John Lloyd vaginismus scandal (lol). So basically, I'm currently in vaginismus mode. K, moving on.

On the other hand, I'm becoming wary and a bit anxious that perhaps I may lose the Christmas spirit (please wherever you are, do possess me asap). Years from now, I'll be leaving this nest of comfort and security, and be setting foot on foreign lands with a new chapter and adventures unfolding. And from what I've heard from my cousins abroad, Christmases outside the Philippines are typically lonely. Well, I am a lonely person right now. Maybe, I'll enjoy the possibilities of spending future holidays alone. Or maybe end up crying in one corner of my future apartment sulking up why I have to dine alone on Christmas eve.

But on the bright side, it's not yet too late to force myself into enjoying the Christmas season. You know what they say, Santa doesn't come down the chimney, he enters through your heart. Lol fuck this, I'm too old for Santa. Happy birthday, JC :)

Word Salad 2.1

Wait. I remembered something lol. Why am I this loyal to update my blog from time to time?

1. A reason not to dwell too much time on Facebook and Tumblr.
2. Blogger is my only online friend since I'm 99% of the time offline in Fb Chat and my friends aren't, unfortunately, active in Plurk anymore.
3. A (really good) reason not to open porn sites. Huge plus factor on that one.
4. Virtual record of my life: the goods, the bads, and mostly rants how life sucks in general (yet, surprisingly, I do indirectly forage the brighter prospect of this heavily shaded world at certain times).
5. Being too socially open and online interactive is becoming overrated. And humans associated with this stereotype is, uh, I don't know the appropriate term to describe them.
6. Because I personally think blogging is "sort of" vintage for 2010 onwards when more people virtually migrate to social networking sites and microblogging (e.g. Twitter). Just saying.
7. Way to make sure my pen-ist skills are well-preserved and intact. Fuckyeah on that one, too.
8. And most importantly, I stopped tweeting because I can't afford to be sarcastic all the time (read my Twitter timeline here). And how am I supposed to talk random shit if I'm scrutinized with a 140-character limit?

Amen.

Word Salad 2.0

Thank you, Internet. For the first time, I am, in my earnest sincerity, very gratified to be part of this contemporary generation. For if not, I could have spent more than a day in just researching about Jaro's history for our SS104 holiday homework regarding pueblo origins of your town or district, or in other words, fuckery (lol). During my net surfing, I was randomly struck again by my imaginative eccentricity: I imagined myself doing homework circa Spanish colonial times (with matching farm clothes, a feather pen and lamp). And I seriously pondered how Illustrados that time were able to research in libraries yet still can afford time to study and excel in school. Maybe they didn't have social networking sites to procrastinate their time on.

Nonetheless, past is past and people should move on and embrace the present. Again, thank you, Internet, for all the info I need to work on my essay (of which I'll be posting soon) :D

Hey you whoever you are

To the person whom perhaps I have already met but did not know you were "the one" or will be looking forward to meet in the future, I hope (with my fingers crossed very tightly) that you won't slip away. Because I have this tendency of falling out of love too fast, so I really hope that, if you are really "the one", you would never forego of loving me and teaching me what love is. To tell you frankly, I really don't know if I could last in a relationship considering that I have subtle issues regarding commitment. It's not that I don't love you, I do, it's just that instead of fearing to be single all my life like normal people would, I fear that being caught up in a relationship for too long might hinder the things I want and am planning to do in life.

You might be thinking that maybe I want us to be friends, that I am a superficial jerk, but you might also wonder for how long would this waiting come to an end. Time will tell. Because if we were really fated to be meant to be together for the rest of our lifetime, God will find a way. So let's trust Him for the mean time, and trust Him all the more that I would find you, or better yet find myself first. And if I already met you, hopefully I'll realize soon that perhaps I have been blind for too long of not knowing that "the one" I'm searching for is already at my grasp. So, to the person whom perhaps I have already met but did not know you were "the one" or will be looking forward to meet in the future, I do hope I will find you eventually.

With all my love, the person searching for "the one" who will make him realize that love does exist.

Universal Truths

I think it's universal truth that everyone has somehow during in one point of their lives wanted a life so complete, near-perfect even, that life would be simply be comparable to that we see in television. I for one have wished, very desperately, to grasp that unreachable, unimaginable ambition, to be honest.

Who wouldn't, anyway? To be in a fortunate disposition of experiencing the way you wanted life to be, to be the protagonist of every turn of events, to have moments Tumblr-worthy of printscreen-ing, as well as to have a good soundtrack to match--would have perhaps made life more reasons to halt the profanities and depreciation, and more reasons to enjoy and live life the way we wanted it to be.

Then again, it's universal truth that life is not simple, life is complex, life is unfair, life shouldn't unveil the way we wanted things to run. Like, for instance, instead of a good OST, I have songs by Justin Bieber and Cody Simpson playing on repeat every single night because my 12-year-old sister has poor taste in music, and she is currently one room away from me, which makes things worse than I thought. (Now she just hit play on OPM Christmas jingles) At least, I have a very justified reason to swear and curse.

And because I have a random personality, an eccentric set of people living in the same roof as I am (aka my family), more eccentric set of friends, a less dramatic life story, and even more the "less" with my zero love life, my life would be a Disney sitcom. And that's the closest I can get if you want to measure my life in terms of tv shows. And it sucks big time. Besides for plausible reasons that people are stereotyping me as a Disney star, all the more difficult the situation for me in wanting to transfer networks and get maturer roles. Eventually, I'll end up stoned, a face that clearly needs botox, and signing up for indie films. Hypothetically speaking. You get the deal.

Thank God my life wasn't a sitcom. And talking about sitcoms, what inspired me to blog tonight is not for the sake of ranting again but purely due to one episode of 90210 season 3. It was the first episode I've ever watched, well make it second but I forgot when and what season the first ep that I watched before was, but clearly, it was the first episode (and hopefully not the only) I've really appreciated.

So the episode began with Annie narrating this:

"History is largely told as a chronicle of great people doing great things. But, for most of us, life is not made up of big moments. It's made up of small moments. And with every small choice, and with every small decision, we are defining ourselves. Are we proud of ourselves, or are we disappointed by who we've become? Life rarely turns out the way that we plan. The unexpected happens, and it surprises us with new and exciting possibilities. But, sooner or later, reality hits you in the face."

And this struck me. Because I've realized that the universal truth about everyone wanting a life comparable to a tv show is in fact a superficial idea. Quite ironic actually come to think of it since tv shows like 90210 try to mimic life's ingredients of being complex and unfair, but only media people try to put a lot more zest into their shows by signing up a cast of beautiful faces, better wardrobe, good lines, an amazing set, and of course, an OST to match.

It's just that humans, also, can be superficial at times (another universal truth). That instead of appreciating the good storyline writers of tv shows put their efforts into, viewers and loyal series fans would tend to concentrate more on what their favorite stars are wearing and other stuffs the seemed heedlessly insensible.

So, for once, why can't we disregard these universal truths and appreciate life more? Because "Life rarely turns out the way that we plan" to simply put it in Annie Wilson's words. "The unexpected happens, and it surprises us with new and exciting possibilities."

Class-free Monday

Guess who finally cleaned his room today after weeks of nursing-related torment? Lol still can't believe my room is this spacious after rearranging some pieces of furniture and de-cluttering the floor. And the best thing about having my room tidied, besides as preparation for my 2011 bagong buhay aka New Year's resolutions (which eventually fail anyway), is that I can finally breathe dust-free air. And a floor without any remnants from my nursing process or nursing textbooks in sight can be very tranquilizing.

Plus I was able to reorganize all the rummages in my study table (see image, left) which makes my day all the more productive and satisfactory :D

* * *

For the not-so-productive aspect of my day, I spent about 5 hours playing Pokemon Platinum. It was Plan B actually, because I've always wanted to play either Pokemon HeartGold or SoulSilver, but assfucker Nintendo had to encrypt an anti-piracy code in all roms of the latter games available in the internet. In other words, after making 24 moves (fighting other pokemons, talking to other characters, etc.) the game is rendered bricked. So there goes my childhood down the drain.

But Platinum actually isn't that bad, compared to Diamond. Because the last time I played the Diamond version, I've lacked the motivation to continue because the rom I downloaded came with cheat codes, which ruined the whole point of the game. It was, at first, quite engaging and enticing because it was my first time ever to catch pokemons owned by opponents, which is normally not allowed in standard game play. But I have to admit, the game gets boring eventually.

* * *

5 days away from Christmas and 8 days away from my 19th birthday. So I'm still thinking of what to buy for myself with $100. A camera sounds nice but the GE X5 (the one I've mentioned before) costs twice. A new pair of Chucks or running shoes is also an option but I'm really not up for it compared to buying a low-end cam. The other option I've reconsidered is having one of my earlobes pierces (lol this is serious). I don't know why, it was sort of random.

Then again, maybe I'll end up with nothing because I don't know if my mom would give me the money because she wanted me to save the money instead. And I told her, "Teh ano to karon pulos nga nagpadala pa si Papa sang Christmas remittance kung indi man lang pag-igasto para sa Christmas?" I was very certain what she had in mind (i.e. have the $100 as my January allowance) but wtf, I won't forego with that. Christmas was supposed to be a time for remembering Christ, sharing, as well as shopping.

Anyways, I'm still crossing fingers that she'll hand the money before Christmas.

* * *

Time to sleep. Hopefully, I could go hotel-hunting (venue for our nearing prom) tomorrow with or without JM. Goodnight :)

Photoshop Project of the Day

"Loving you has made me realized how beautiful life really is."

LOL this is my advance Christmas gift for Aizlynn (and for Gyno as well) :D

For DBP

Tonight reminded me how much I love the DBP scholars. I've skipped two of their Christmas parties since first year and this year I've planted a firm decision that I won't pass another opportunity--not even The Lifeline can stop me.

And a good decision it was. Instead of having a charge-free dinner at Uncle Tom's with The Lifeline staff members (sorry hobbits), I've spent a lot on food alone (plus another nice Lee shirt as an early Christmas gift for myself). Then again, it was definitely worth it. I enjoyed dinner, be a judge for the DBP's Showtime-inspired talent competition (which btw was so fuckin hilarious that it had me laughing in tears especially with Group 2's Mara Clara performance), and played games hosted by Febby and Hendrix. And insert tons of laughter in between :)

Currently, my stomach's very full and satisfied, and a bit alcohol-intoxicated. I wish I could've stayed longer until midnight, but my mom had to interrupt. Oh well maybe next year. Thank you DBP for ending my 2010 filled with memories and smiles.

Profanity can be reasonable at times

I had 14 miraculous hours of sleep last night--a physiologic compensation for the past sleepless nights finishing my requirements for our RLE. So here's a recap of both the goods and the bads of my year-ender:

* * *

December 16. Finally, last day of duty for our first rotation. And you don't know how happy I am about bidding farewell to our clinical instructor Maam C. Because I dislike her, I loathe her, I hate her, I want-to-fucking-hit-her-on-the-face-until-her-face-swells-and-the-injury-causes-cerebral-edema-GCS-3-hopefully-please her. But let me reserve that ranting later. For the good, the night went well, actually and surprisingly. Because it was a rush decision for me to have my house as a venue for our Case Pre sleepless rendezvous. It was, first and foremost, stress-free because we're about 50% done with our case pre when we started at around 8pm. And we had a deadline set at around 11 to 12 midnight. Hours went by, and I seriously don't know why we didn't reach our deadline.

Then again, it wasn't that bad really. Because for the first time, I had this very very rare chance of bonding with my RLE groupmates. Well, except for Anabelle, who managed to keep quiet throughout the entire time when we were finishing our case pre and laughed our asses off at times. She even skipped having midnight dinner/Kaukau's birthday celebration with us, which was extremely fun. Everything was quite unexpected because I never, honestly, foresaw our RLE group bonding although we weren't complete that time (because Michael was really serious about having our work done and also decided to skip dinner and be with Anabelle) but it was still fun nonetheless.

We even slept together (no green pun intended here). But I'm not quite very sure if Anabelle fell asleep. Everyone woke up at around 4 to 5 and had parted ways because we're two hours away from our case pre with the "devil". Game over.

* * *

December 17. I expected satisfactory remarks for our case. But, for the bad, Maam C wasn't even half satisfied as I expected her to be. There could have been some loopholes in the first part of our case pre, but I mean, she could have at least corrected our mistakes in a very not-mean constructive manner. Because she just sounded like a whiny bitch. And I still don't get her being upset with our physical assessment. Modesty aside, I think our PA was our best so far, though it wasn't really a 100% in detail, but I assure you it was a focused assessment, a damn focused assessment. Then we found out in our patient's lab results that she had pleural effusion:

Maan C: You know that your patient had pleural effusion and why wasn't it reflected in the physical assessment?

Me: Maam, I auscultate her lung fields every time I get the vital signs, and there were no adventitious breath sounds.

Maam C: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, maam. Because even if she did have pleural effusion, I think I wouldn't be able to hear any crackles because she had anasarca.

Maam C: Then why didn't you checked for the tactile fremitus?

Me: Because, maam, she was in semi-coma. The patient needs to be conscious to repeat the word "99" so I could test for the tactile fremitus.

Maam C: (quiet for 10 seconds) Ah, yes...

Ha, fuck you. For a second there, I was a bit happy but the "devil" had to find other means of making our PA look like it was done by a very lousy student nurse. She was ranting about the cranial nerves assessment because almost all the results were 'No Response'. Wtf, what do you expect from a patient with a GCS of 4? That she was able to identify the smell of coffee or orange? Bitch much.

I seriously don't know if she was intimidated that I can answer almost all of her questions. But even if she did, she had no right to compare student performances in front of the students themselves, like saying, "Si Ms. Tanate, favorite ko guid ni siya because she's actually doing really good in the area kag makita ko self ko sa iya when I was in college. Ok, let's give Ms. Tanate a chance to explain..."

And you know what Maam C commented on my performance? "You're really smart, Mr. Calise but you're not good hands-on." Seriously, bitch? I know your only intention was to boost up Anabelle's confidence, but wth why compare her with me? What did she exactly do in the ward that made you say she was better? Had she fucking turn a patient with generalized edema who weighed approximately like that of a pig about to be roasted (ok, this was the closest metaphor I could think of)? Had she fucking trimmed her patient's pubic hair? Tell me, what did "little good Anabelle" do in the ward?

I get fucking pissed every time I think about this incident and I want to drown myself in profanity so I could express every bit of unfairness and injustice I felt about Maam C's treatment against me. But this shouldn't get in the way for me to enjoy our Christmas party. For the good, I did enjoy the party (especially with the paper dance c/o Gyno and Aizlynn ala teleserye kilig moment) but, again, for the bad, I had to scurry away from the fun and go home in the middle of the party to retrieve my NRES1 homework and green quiz notebook.

* * *

So this is how my school year 2010 ended, great, isn't it? Christmas break, it's officially open. And let me start the holiday vacation by jogging around the block in our neighborhood and look for Maam C's house. I could give her an early Christmas gift by throwing rocks against her windows. Advance Merry Christmas, everyone! :)

Word Salad 1.0

While waiting for MS Word to respond, I'm gonna spend the next 10 minutes spicing up a word salad.

1. Kaycee, my Vaio, has a fracture--her charger port seems broken. Wtf.
2. Santa, I want a GE X5 for Christmas. Or maybe save money instead for the next months until 4th year starts.
3. Just 2 days away from freedom. I can't even.
4. Still haven't bought my S.P. (Meynard) a gift.
5. Nary Lala splits. KTO now declared top Orlando groupie.
6. Another satisfactory score in NRES1 despite the fact that I haven't laid eyes on my notes. Woot.
7. Plurk sucks ass. But, as cliche as it gets, first love never dies.
8. Still having daily tremors. Yey for pseudoparkinsonism.

Must finish our NRES1 homework crap due Friday. Bye.

Wanted: Time Manager

I badly need lessons in time management.

Sadly, I wasn't able to utilize my time very efficiently today despite that we only had our nursing lecture up until 12 noon, took a quiz on psychopharma (which btw I barely passed), and spent the rest of the day with Dobel talking about senseless stuff (i.e. *toot* and *toot* are gay and are possibly seeing each other LOLOLOLOLOL) in Jollibee Jaro. And because of my disturbed sleeping pattern, I immediately fell asleep upon arriving home and woke up at around 8 for dinner and wasted another 2 hours of searching a nursing journal article on SLE but to no avail. FML.

But then again, God never ceases to amaze me, that although I had clearly wasted my time Google-ing pdf articles, I found a way to hack paid journal pdfs in this certain site of which I won't going to reveal (just in case one of their system moderators read my blog and had that bug in their website fixed). *headspin, yo*

Time check: 11.10PM

Study galore muna, mga teh! :))

NL + Martin Day

Everyone looks "genuinely" happy in this photo. I can't even :))

NP. No Problem?

Thank God :) that Maam C moved our Nursing Process deadline on Monday, but then again, despite the huge amount of time that should have been allocated for my NP, I still have a lot more portions to complete: Textbook Discussion on PUD, Labs, SOAPIE and drug studies that needed revision [cause the percentage for the drug studies is about 25-30%, I think]. I have an ample amount of time in my hands if I had handwritten the rest of the data that I have finished already and a 50% done journal reading in queue that should have been finished days ago (which also needs to be handwritten).

I need to stop regressing. K, that's all for now. Later.

Another Tumblr treasure

i still have a lot of things to do today. and that includes finishing my opinion article (and idk why the hell im not done with it lol maybe i friggin hate the topic i chose to write about, but wtv its too late to change topic juju). plus, our online pub blog is still blank without any posts in it, and i keep on wondering if yesterday was the deadline for the blog submission (but Nonoy hasnt texted yet about the blog except last week so yeah, maybe he was just threatening us just so we could finish the articles on time).

on the other hand, ive lent a helping hand in translating aizlynn’s health class stuff about DM since joel’s work was a disaster (well, make that total failure, ie: Diabetes Mellitus - Isa ka grupo sang mga “metabolic na mga masakit na gina characterize sang mataas na level sang blood sugar. Ini gakatabu tungud sa problema sa pagproduce sang Insulin sa lawas tau kun sa epekto sang insulin sa lawas ta). see i told you so. but surprisingly, reading joel’s work made me miss him and jm (being stressed every time we have to draw lots for our work allocation for our rotational case presentations, esp when joel is assigned to more difficult and complex parts of the nursing process, or plainly when joel is assigned to any task). and the rest of BSN 2-A RLE Group 4 members, you guys were seriously the word.

and we also have a statistics assignment on hand, of which i have no idea about. lol whatever, stat sucks ass. and back to our pub blog, i forgot what our password was. so yeah, i can already foresee Nonoy crying on monday. but i will do everything to finish my to-do list today, while making our Tatay proud. yeah right. most importantly, i should take a bath, now na! later, Tumblr :)

From Tumblr

Just something I've dug out of my Tumblr archive:

i was sad about 15 minutes ago until a HUGE BOX OF KRISPY KREME came knocking on my door.and that made my night :) because i was reaaally down. for a lot of reasons. first of all, i think our Lit teacher was a bit hesitant at first to give us a grade of 1.0 for our Mulan presentation. and that was a little bit depressing, on our part, that is. we gave our 100% effort on this one and i’m quite not so sure if he did grasp our concept well. in fact, i think he’s doubting if Mulan is part of Chinese literature. WTF, but wtv. haha i still can’t accept the fact that he gave us 1.0 since he was forced to.

and here’s another fuckiiiing donut for my loveless love life. HAHAHA while aien left us for the Lifeline’s press work, finny and i shared some thoughts about love. seriooussly. hahaha instead of feeling depressed for myself, i felt more depressed for her. i know, mean, but you should try listening to her stalking escapades. very freaky. but well, love comes in many forms, shapes, packages and cup sizes. hahaha hi sesshy lover :D

What is a prayer meeting?

I had my braces readjusted just recently and I was expecting for another week of orthodontic pain, which was normal, but has caused too much food-deprived anhedonia for me to bear long enough before I impulsively decide to remove these braces... with my bare hands (considering the fact that i have lost weight already from my last dental visit).

But thank God, there was no pain this time, which was quite odd but the hell I care as long as I am pretty much able to consume the calories and proteins I need to restore the weight I've rapidly lost a few weeks back.

So what better way to this than pig out before the pain starts to dissipate my appetite.

* * *

I was at my tita's furniture shop during lunch time just so I could leave my laptop there before heading to Robinson's. I was about to leave when Tita Lets called out my name and told me to stay in the shop for lunch, after all it was her secretary's birthday. And being the frugal person that I am, which also happened to be genetically passed on from my mom and tita's side of the family tree, so I decided to stay and type my P&S notes on one corner of the office while my tita and her 2 other church friends have their meeting on the other side.

I have been once or twice present during their prayer meetings in the past, but this recent one turned out to be very interesting that their chitchat was able to seize my attention away from what I was doing.

Along their babble session, I overheard them apprehending a certain member within their church org. They called her "P1". So little miss P1, who happened to be also single (for the past 50 years of her life) like my tita and the two other women in the table, had a one night stand with my tita's driver.

I can't believe what I am actually hearing during that moment, no, not the one night stand (because I already know my tita's driver was, uh, sort of a manwhore). They, I mean these 50 year old respectable religious women were calling P1 names like katlan, putay-putay, alpot. I can't even.

I was at a point during their conversation that I couldn't contain my guilty laughter for all too many reasons. Then, they started to talk about "P2", who was a friend of P1. And you know why they call these two women P1 and P2? Because P, according to them, stands for prostitute.

WTF WAHAHAHAHAHAHA seriously, I never thought that adults from a religious org gather for a prayer meeting just so they could bash and gossip other people. It's like the epitome of epic irony. But then again, I enjoyed their company during lunch. And my tita's friend told me, "Don't be ashamed."

My face was like O_O I was so certain that she knew or had an idea about my life outside the realms of my family's security, equating to me in reality being the opposite of what my family is expecting or describing to other people (e.g. "Ka-alam na sa iya, gakuwa Nursing sa West, buot pa dayon klase nga bata!, which no one in our decent family tree does not hold any accessible information to prove such (well, except for my sister). Of course, I also don't have any vices to anxiously beset on which further protects my faux-virgin image to my parents and relatives.

But what she meant about "don't be ashamed" was that I shouldn't be too shy about having lunch with them. For a moment there, I thought they knew about and recognized my inner bitch being and perhaps even called me degrading names stereotypical of a shamed unworthy rebel whore during in one of their so called "prayer meetings".

That was close. Or maybe, just maybe, they're already on to me. Ha, ideas of reference. But who knows, life is full of surprises and today's revelations assimilate to a number of surprises I couldn't handle in just one day.

Now I know why someone has been too euphoric today

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the best guid ni gyapon :)) Happy birthday, Des! I wish you more boylets to come in the future. Chos.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Film Review

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd!

yes you guessed that one right, instead of studying (again), I've bargained my time tonight to watch a dvd rip of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I've downloaded last week.

the plot was really excellent, except for the fact that the film was a bit bland (I don't know if that is the appropriate term to use) that had me confused at one point because there were scenes in the film that made the whole movie look like it was a thriller. so, that was a big let down, for me. because I was expecting less of the sci-fi thing going on and more of the Jack-and-Rose kind of romance, although Rose (Kate Winslet) was in fact casted in the film as the female lead Clementine, who was the utter exact opposite of Rose DeWitt Bukater of Titanic in terms of social grace and seduction.

but the movie, as a whole, is so good that it still had me pondering at this moment about the hypothetical concept about instant memory erasure. if such psych-related innovation were to exist, would I openly take the opportunity to erase my memory if (hypothetically speaking) I wanted to get over someone?

the climactic twists in the last quarter of the film were concretely visual of what could have been in a situation wherein one was told that he has had his memories erased before. during one of these twists, Mary (Kirsten Dunst), who was stoned and partially drunk, rendered an Alexander Pope poem to Dr. Howard while Joel (Jim Carrey) was under a memory-erasure procedure. until Mary suddenly kissed Dr. Howard while simultaneously being caught off-guard by Dr. Howard's wife.

so the two tried to explain, but Dr. Howard's wife revealed that their cheating scenario have already happened in the past--only to find out that Mary had her memories (of being a mistress to Dr. Howard prior) erased. what's worse is that the man she fell in love with was also the same man who erased those memories. fucker, isn't it?

then again, I haven't yet answered the question of embracing or not embracing that opportunity of having my memories erased just so I could move on with my life and be happy alone and single. hypothetically.

obviously, no. although how much pain the advent of a moving-on process would bring, this emotional pain mends the weak heart to become stronger, as well as condition the mind to become wiser. because eventually, (almost) everyone survives this heartbreaking phase. each one of us has the capacity to forego memories that cause too much anhedonia and sadness to bear. it is a matter of letting go and not holding on because although how painful these memories are, they are still a wonderful repository of the past from which we can learn and better understand ourselves, and create smarter decisions in the future.

moving on is and will always be a state of mind. then can we realize that there is no eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, after all.

Disclaimer

Though I've mentioned that I've decided to blog (again), let me point out that the previous posts that are under year 2010 are copied from my pysch diary requirement. Thank you.

Postscript: I didn't copy-pasted all entries in my diary requirement, especially the extremely private ones, due to the reason that I may or will be revealing my blog (in the near future) to Aien and Lean. HAHAHAHA hi, yen and yan :)

Hello, Again. And Again.

hello, blog. you might be tired already. from all my nth attempts to give blogging a chance. you may be tired, but i'm equally tired as well. not only from the attempts, but also with how my life is running at the moment.

by life, i mean nursing. because that's the only life i'm facing almost everyday. and it's a very very sad and unfortunate reality i must face, like a horror movie played on repeat. but as time passed by, i've come to conquer my fears about this sorrowed nursing misery that traps my almost utter existence in this shallow world.

after all, i'm 2 semesters away from graduation. 2 semesters away. i can't even.

but then, as of the mean time, let me contemplate and waste another 30 minutes of time of reconnecting about what my life has been since my more-that-a-year absence:

1. 3rd year. not really that cruel, for me that is, as compared to how previous level 3 students have shared their terrorizing fate and experiences in clinical nursing. i'm having a wonderful time, seriously, no pun intended.
2. love life. too many stories, but still the same plot. in short, i'm still single. and sort of, happy? a big question mark on that one. but as of this moment, i have a certain coco who completes my nights, as well as my mornings, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, etc.
3. school. still a fucker, a really badass fucker. but i'm enjoying though (MS Nursing, Psych Nursing), except for the minor subjects. i have always loathed those extra subjects that mean more time to consume instead of sparing those hours for studying (yeah right). i still don't get the whole point of these minor subjects.
4. 1D, 2A, 3B. yearly resectionings, though how much emotional trauma they have caused initially, are in fact helpful molding our batch as a whole. too bad i missed documenting our Nursing Fun Days 2010 event here. it was our best, yet :)
5. and, life in general. still the same, i guess? still facing the same problems (time management, school load, dirty room, self-esteem issues), which by the way, have become a monthly period. but i'm nearing at a point of climax. this was my sole reason why i had re-opened and logged into my blogger account. i need a corner to hypothetically cry (ha) and vent out all these lambasting emotions. seriously. i have a lot of issues lately

but I have consumed a lot of precious time already, which should have been an afternoon well-spent on studying, but of course, instead of doing that, i've photoshopped a shirt design for my ex-bestfriend and a holiday poster for our upcoming batch Christmas party (woot), and as usual, have myself stuck in internet traffic again. oh, social networking sites, the world would have had been better and more productive without you.

dinner, and then, school crap *crossing fingers tightly on this one*